


Souls and ink, What a mix

by RemiLeBisexualDork



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adopted Keith (Voltron), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bitchy Nyma, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Depressed Lance (Voltron), Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Future Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Japanese Shiro (Voltron), Keith just wants to help, Korean Keith (Voltron), Lol jk so much angst it's ridiculous, M/M, Sorry Not Sorry, Soul ink au, broganes, extra floof
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-18 19:20:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11881113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemiLeBisexualDork/pseuds/RemiLeBisexualDork
Summary: Lance just wants to stay out of Shiro's love life. Lance doesn't want to be rejected or hurt, but what if everytime he runs away he trips, and everytime he trips a secret comes out, and everytime a secret comes out the harder he falls into depressions sad, cold, dead arms.





	1. Ink on a Cuban boy.

I try not to get bored and I always try to pay attention but for whatever reason, Astrology is the one class that goes through one ear and straight out the other. 

I sigh and roll up my sleeves, the pale scars make my wince. I remember that time, before I ever met Hunk or Pidge, I hate to admit it but even before Keith. They have all helped me grow out of my habits. 

A small smile tugs at the sides of my lips. I hate myself for my scars but they're apart of me and I've grown from them. I embrace them. I pull a sharpie out of my pencil pouch as quiet as I can and tug the cap off. I can't help myself. 

I start drawing a stem coming from the scar at the very bottom of the line of them, followed by a circle on the top of the stem. Then more circles around the center until it looks like a flower. I add leaves and a few lines for the grass and a little smiley sun for good measures. 

I pull my sleeve back down and sit up a little straighter, smiling to myself for the rest of class. Nodding ever now and then for good measure to at least act like I'm paying attention. I can always ask Pidge for help later anyway. She's a fucking joy of sunshine, the little gremlin. 

The bell rings and I slide my stuff into my messenger bag, not really caring what gets crushed. It all fits neatly and I'm nearly out the door before the teacher calls out to me in a stern voice, telling me to stay for a minute. She's nice but she cares almost too much. 

"Lance, how are you... doing?" She gestures to my arm with her head, smiling kindly. Her british accent heavy and making my name sound like 'Lonce' instead of just plain old Lance.

"I'm fine, Allura. I'm a year clean already, why?" Allura is the chillest teacher I've ever seen. She insist all the students call her by her first name because she hates being too proffesional. 

"Your grades are slipping again. I thought you were paying attetion in my class again. What's going on." My face tilts downward towards my feet and I kick the imaginary stone on the ground. 

"Nothing is going on okay. I'm fine. I am literally telling you i'm fine. I have to get to lunch, okay. I'll get tutoring from Pidge or someone else, okay. I'll catch you later." I back up and walk away mid 'Lonce, wait', bumping into a familiar big stomach.

"Hey Hunk, what's up buddy?" I throw a cheeky grin his way and he smiles back cheerfully. "Pidge and I wanted to meet up with you this time, but it sounds like Mrs. Allura wanted to talk to you, what's that all about?" I sigh and we both start walking down the hallway towards the cafeteria.

"She wanted to know if I was doing okay depression wise. Honestly it's none of her damn business. Depression isn't even a matter of 'how do I feel today' it's really just a case of 'Is my depression going to fuck with me today or not.'" I shove my hands in my jean pockets and keep walking while Hunk pulls me into a side hug. 

"Aw buddy, it sounds like we need to have another movie night with Pidge and Keith and Shiro." I smile at the offer and then remember that Shiro still hasn't figured I'm his soulmate. 

"I don't know how long I can hide the soulmate ink thing from Shiro. He's so excited and I don't even know if he's into guysLike me. He's always constantly annoyed at my flirting anyway." Hunk pulls me into a full on hug this time, stopping and moving us to the side of the hallway so he hug me. I smile and lean my head on Hunk, looking up to find Keith staring at us like we're crazy.

"Sup' Hunk. Lance" The blood in my veins boils slightly and I pull away from Hunk. "You had that tone in your voice, mullet. What's that all about huh, you jealous that Hunk hugs me more then you?" I smile my familiar sly smile.

"For the last time, it's not a goddamn Mullet, Lance, and no, I'm not 'jealous' that I still need hugs to calm me down from something." Keith takes a step towards me, challenging me.

"Guys, guys, guys, let's just go eat our lunches and talk about this whole soulmate issue together. Everyone except Shiro is here today anyway so we can talk safely." Hunk gives Keith and I a good shove towards the cafeteria doors and Keith groans as we sit ourselves in the booth we always sit in. 

"God why haven't you told him yet. I can tell you for a fact, as his brother and roomate, that man is almost as gay as I am. He had a crush on Matt at one point and would not talk to Pidge once she cut her hair because she looked too much like Matt. You're fine." Hunk hands each of us a brown paperbag with our name in fancy letters and a smiley face next to that, he places on next to himself labeled 'Pidge-Podge' in thick black sharpie.

"I haven't told him because I'm his friend first. And he already thinks it's some muscular guy at his gym. I don't want to spoil his fun by telling him it's me." Keith groans and bites into his sandwhich angrily.

"Lance, you really need to get over yourself sometimes. I'm his fucking brother. I know for a fact he would not care if it was you as long as it was with someone who will treat him with respect. I swear to god I will tell him for you if you don't tell him. He's getting depressed because he doesn't know if he'll ever find his soulmate and I can't sit through another one of his goddamn 'dress Keith up to make myself feel better' things." He scoffs down the rest of sandwhich angrily while I take one bite of my sandwhich and put it away for later.

"Please don't tell him, Keith. I'm not ready for rejection and I don't want to be rejected and I don't even know what'll happen." I hear someone, probably Pidge, splatt down in the seat next to Hunk. 

"What's up my peeps, You don't look to hot." Pidge opens up her paper bag happily. 

"Lance is getting cold feet again. I told him I'd tell Shiro if he doesn't. I can literally text him right now." Keith pulls out his phone. I grab it and toss it at Pidges head.

"WHAT THE HELL LANCE! THAT WAS MY FUCKING PHONE!" Pidge grabs her head where the phone hit her head and Keith yells at me. I wince and shrink down in my seat. 

"I don't want you to tell him, Keith. Why can't you just respect my wishes just this once. I have never felt this way and I just want to do this right." I struggle to keep calm and gesture Keith to move, he slides out of the booth and I follow.

"I'm telling him tonight if you aren't. I'm sick and tired of this bullshit. If you really love my brother you'll tell him yourself. Everyone come over to my house tonight for a movie night. Bring your shit." Keith walks away, grabbing his phone of the spot in front of Pidge, who glares at me before softening up. I feel tears well up on the corners of my eyes.

"Maybe it won't be so bad, Lance. You should trust Keith, just this once. Maybe this is for the be-" I swat away Pidges hand, and back away from the booth, gripping the brown bag Hunk gave me. 

"This is wrong guys. You two are my friends, your supposed to stand up for me! I'm supposed to do this on my own time, on my own fucking terms! This is fucking bullshit. Don't even talk to me. I'm fucking done." Hot tears spill over the edge of my lids and trickle down my face as I jog away, shoving the doors open and briskly walking to the exit. 

I bump into Keith in the hallway, I keep walking past him, wiping furiously at the tears that refuse to stop. Keith grabs my arm to stop me but I shove him off. He's the one who did this to me. He doesn't deserve anything. I shove open the exit doors and start to jog to the bus stop. I bump into a familiar muscley arm on the way, causing me to trip on my own laces, I scrap my arm on the concrete through my sleeve causing me to roll it up without thinking. 

"L-Lance? Are you-" I look up to meet Shiro's eyes. Except, I'm not meeting them, his eyes are on something, his eyes are on my wrist. The one with the fucking sharpie flower that's also on Shiro's arm. His eyes fly open and he stares at me. I cry even more pushing myself up and sprinting away from him. 

Sprinting away from the man I love. The man that's supposed to love me. His calls to my name send bolts of pain through me, as if each word he yells out to me sends a bullet through my torn heart. My broken, beaten, torn, and badly sewn-back-up heart. 

I don't stop at the bus stop like I'm supposed to. 

I run all two miles to my apartment. I run away from everyone. I run away from everything. But the one thing I can never run away from follows me. 

My fucking Depression.


	2. Shiro's Guilt

My feet refuse to move from the spot I was standing in when I saw it. When I saw Lances's arm, Lance's flower on his arm. The same one that appeared on my arm when I was taking a break with Matt. 

My knees give out under me and I fall limply into someones small yet muscular arms. Soon I'm being ushered and helped into the back seat of my car, where I lay in shock. I can see the mix of black, red, and white in my vision and automatically know who it is.

"Keith, did you know? This entire time?" My heart hurts already. I used to scold Lance when he would flirt with me. I was so distant towards him and all I would talk about was how earlier that day or time I wanted to meet my soulmate. I feel so terrible. I feel even worse when Keith doesn't respond.

"Great. Everyone knew except me. God, I'm so stupid. I even fucking told everyone that I hoped my soulmate was that guy from the gym. Oh my god I feel awful." Keith starts the car and backs up, looking at my saddened face for a split of a second when he turns around to look at the road behind us. "What did I do." My voice is just above a whisper by this point.

I remember when the flower appeared and Matt mentioned it to me.

`-_`~Earlier on break with Matt~`_-`

"How was your trip without contact to the outside world? A lot happened. I'm pretty sure you're about 80% of Katie's inpulse control. She changed her name to Pidge." My laugh came out hearty as I pat Matt on the shoulder.

"The trip was fine. At one point I was mugged by a few guys, but I got all my shit back. They literally name their gang 'the Galra' and their hangout was decorated with graffiti. It wasn't hard to find. The sneaking into and getting my stuff back without getting caught was the hard part. I still managed quite well though. It worked so why complain?" Matts shoulders moved up and down as he leaned against the balcony by his office. 

"If you got mugged you should have found a payphone and called me. I'm sure I could have worked something out." I smiled down and notice a circle on top of a wavy line on one of the light scars across my arm. All not mine.

"Damn dude, is that your soulmate ink thing. That's awesome. What is it?" He grips my lower arm and watches as circle after circle appears, completely mezmerized. 

"Yeah, I think it's a flower. My soulmate draws shit like that all the time. It's really cute. One time he drew a cute cat on his arm in blue and I drew one underneathe in black. He told me he'll call me his black paladin on his wrist when he finds me." I smile and I feel the nostalgia and care being sewn into my features. 

"That's amazing! My soulmate thing is a glowing chest. When I meet my soulmate my chest and their chest will glow their respective colors and that's how I'll know." Matt places a careful hand over his chest and smiles. "I can make it glow a little bit but it'll glow bright and true when the time is right." His eyelids tighten and his hand turns into a fist, gripping the material of his nerdy nasa shirt.

A turqoise color forms underneathe his shirt then disappears quickly. 

"That's so cool! I hope you find that special someone soon. I hope the same for me as well." I look out over the balcony at the college and the buildings. 

A hand plaps on my shoulder and I look over at Matt. "Well, I'm sure that'll happen soon, for the both of us. When you get married though I call best man." He and I laugh. "You might have to fight Keith." 

~-~_Shiro's and Keith's house, Present time_~-~

"I need to make sure Lance is okay, Keith." I'm sitting up on the couch, my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. 

"You don't need to do anything, Shiro. I'm sure this is hard on you too." Keith sounds more monotoneus then usual as he sits next to me and places a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table. 

"But Lance was crying. He was sobbing. He looked absolutely horrified. I gave him the worst look ever, I really need to-"

"DAMMIT SHIRO, GIVE HIM SPACE." My eyes widen to the size of small melons and my mouth immediately shuts tight. "I'm sorry, but I can't sit here and watch you beat yourself up over something that is not in your control. Lance refuses to see anybody either." My eyes widen and Keiths hands fly up to cover his mouth.

"What do you mean Lance refuses to see anybody..." My eyes narrow and I stare down Keith, he whimpers. Fucking whimpers.

"Lance won't come out of his room and won't let anybody in his room. Hunk, Pidge, and I thought that you might make it worse if you showed up. " My heart pounds in my ears and I stand up slowly. I refuse to let Lance feel awful for something that isn't his fault. 

"I'm going to Lance. Before he does something he might regret later on." Keith sinks down into the couch, I start to feel worse but I grab my keys off the counter. 

"I don't blame you, Keith. Remember that I don't hate you, okay?" With that I walk out the door and into the car. Twisting the key and listening to the engine start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stick around for some floofy times next ;) (I REWRoTE THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER TWICE BECAUSE I DIDN'T REMEMBER HOW TO GET TO THE DRAFTS SMH) Also, *Is wearing the very shirt Matt is* Yep I'm also nerd. HAVE ALL MY BROGANE ANGST


	3. Arms of Black and Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!Trigger Warning for Cuts and Suicidal thoughts and actions!!!!!

My tears start to soak the rough material of my jeans as my sobs echo throughout my small dorm room. 

I ignore the banging at my door and shove my navy blue earbuds in my ears, pushing play on my playlist and listening to the first song that comes up. It's a sappy song about loving someone until the end of world, and not caring if it's sappy or not. Of fucking course. A love song. 

My grip tightens and I raise my phone over top of my head, chucking it against the wall as I choke once more on a sob and collapse onto my bed. 

What the fuck did I ever fucking do to deserve this. 

Why did my soulmate have to be Shiro. Of all people. I even would've accepted Keith! Shiro, I just, don't deserve. 

Then again I don't deserve anyone, huh. 

Nothing except my razor. 

I yearn for the cold touch of the sharp metal against my wrist and the sting of the cut on my skin. How the blood drips just right on my tan complexion. 

My hand reaches over to my nightstand table, opening the drawer with a squeaky nails-on-a-chalkboard noise. My fingers leap at the cold tingly sensation I get when I feel razor in my hand and lift it up from where it was neglected for a year. One year too long.

I pull my arm back and roll up the sleeve with the flower. Seeing it only makes more tears fall as I press the razor against it. 

One cut to forgetting...

Two cuts for depression...

Three cuts for existing...

Four cuts for-

I drop the razor and inhale sharply, the blood slowly drips down my arm in a satisfying manner as that heavenly voice calls out to me. Full of worry and genuine concern.

"Lance? Are you- Are you okay in there?" Shiro. Fucking perfect. More tears sprout and I make a strangled noise, my breathing picking up.

E N D I T

I T ' S S O E A S Y

P I C K U P T H E R A Z O R

E N D Y O U R M I S E R A B L E L I F E

Maybe I should...

I pick up the razor, The now warm metal smooth and wet against my fingers. I smile. Not a, 'happy Lance McClain' smile. No. A sadistic smile. An 'It'll all be over soon' smile. 

I push this time when I drag it down against a vein. I gasp and wince, crying out in pain. It hurts. It fucking hurts.

The blood soaks my covers and down my sweatshirt as the tears keep coming. 

I hear a boom and drop the razor in my now shaky hands, the blood keeps coming out of my arm. Like a never ending river of red. Someone just busted down my door. No, don't dial that number. Don't save me! This is what I want god damnit! Why...

My shaky body collapses towards the ground and Shiro runs to catch me. He's crying too. His warm human hand clutches my check and then leaves, applying pressure to my wound. I gasp in pain as he does so, but my arm goes numb. I smile, but this time a peaceful smile. 

Shiro looks horrified at my expression and his tears drip onto my cheek. I lift the arm that I can still feel, and pull Shiro's beautiful face down towards mine. 

"Shiro, Never forget me, okay? Never.." I inhale deeply and the feeling in my legs leaves me. I lean up and catch his lips in a gentle kiss. My vision starts to blur out and I rest my head back down. 

No I want to say one thing, wait,

"I L-l-l-" My heart starts to slow, I can feel it as my breath slows it's pace as well. "Love y-y-y-" I can't finish. I can't fucking finish. Please please please no. I have to tell him.

I have to tell him I love him!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing this at four in the morning. I have to get up for school at five. I never get sleep when I need it. Help me.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sorry. My heart is already too far gone. Suffer with me.


End file.
